it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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