Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
