Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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