just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
