Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
