Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
