Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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