you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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