I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I understand Curling. That high.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
