I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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