the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
