I just gift wrapped bread.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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