Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
