drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
