R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
