Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
