Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
