Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
