The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
handjob tips. give me some.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
