dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
