I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
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Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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