she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
