We're facebook friends in real life
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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