I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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