i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I did not marry a roomba.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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