Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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