How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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