I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my poor anus
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
