Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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