Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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