its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
