I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
