Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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