the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize