He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
