I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
