i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
