would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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