i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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