sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
