Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
