He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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