I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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