I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize