thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
