Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize