just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
