Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
