While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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