My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
