Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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