I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
