it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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