I accidentally had phone sex last night
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
