I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
