and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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