The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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