I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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