he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
