You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
