What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
sex in a hospital.. check
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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