Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
