So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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