Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
