One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
