Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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