Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
