There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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