The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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