So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
