i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
