I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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