After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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