Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
