You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
