Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
