i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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