At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
