Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
