In the future we'll all be gay
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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