Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
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I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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