This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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