real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
