just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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