All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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