onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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